Weekend Reflections – September 21, 2025

Dear Blog,

Although I promised myself I would write at least every weekend, I didn't write last weekend, despite having a wonderful experience to share.

Last week, due to terrible rainfall in the evening, I couldn't go to the gym for two days straight (Thursday and Friday). My minimum target for hitting the gym is four days per week, but I usually go for five. I work on various parts of the body from Monday to Friday in the following sequence: Back, Shoulders, Legs, Chest, and Arms. So, I decided that on Saturday morning I would work on my chest and just forget about arms for the week.

While I was working out my chest, whenever I felt weak during a set or felt that I couldn't lift a heavier weight in the next one, I simply thought about the things that had given me grief in my life. Suddenly, I found the power to finish the set or lift heavier in the next. Usually, I only work on a single body part per day, but as soon as I finished my chest workout, I thought to myself that I could work out my arms too. Tapping into my grief had unleashed a beast within me. I was literally pulsating with energy. I felt some mental resistance, but I ended up working out my arms as well, and very quickly at that. I forgot to mention that I had also done some dumbbell swings with my chest workout, so I ended up doing eleven exercises in total.

I had a similar experience a few days earlier. Frustrated with the regional accounts in-charge (the one I mentioned in my previous post), I worked my shoulders incredibly hard that evening. In fact, it was the hardest I had ever worked them. I did a shoulder press of 80 kgs that day. That time, it was a spontaneous result of my anger, but last week, it was deliberate.

I later tried tapping into my grief to force myself to do more Kriyas during my Kriya Meditation. Lately, I'd felt I was just going through the motions with no real feeling. On the first day, I did eight Kriyas and felt such a deep peace at the end that I now look forward to reaching that state every day. Today, I did nine Kriyas in total, despite all my mental resistance and the pain in my legs from sitting in Siddhasana.

However, there is a downside to this technique. As a result of thinking about things that had caused me pain in the past to power demanding activities in the present, I am now recalling bad experiences in vivid detail from the dark recesses of my memory. I'm worried that if I keep doing this, I may end up a bitter and vindictive person.

But then again, maybe I already am.